The 13 College Commandments

The do's and don'ts of college life

Guilty Pleasures | Claire Seidler | March 14, 2016

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On the Eve of my first year at college, my cousin (having already graduated from college), decided to write me a list entitled “College Facts and Rules.” It said:

  1. You WILL get pimples.
  2. If he says he wants to date you and he’s drunk, its a lie.
  3. Dressing skanky for Halloween isn’t cool.
  4. No grinding. Ever.
  5. Jungle Juice = Death
  6. Late night eating only makes you feel worse the next day.
  7. You think you have guy friends. You thought wrong. 
  8. Do not have a boyfriend freshman year, especially if they went to Middlesex or Deerfield.
  9. Don’t date a lacrosse player.
  10. Unless they are your best friends, girls will screw you over.
  11. Drunk texting is absolutely forbidden. 
  12. Tequila is the only alcohol that isn’t a depressant. 
  13. Don’t cry at a party…unless you break something. 

Obviously some of these may not be particularly relevant to the average NYU student like #9 and #10…she apparently had a few issues with prep school lacrosse players. But like, they might still be relevant to you. We don’t know your life. Some of these rules were especially intriguing to me, such as “Don’t cry at a party…unless you break something.” Good point, cousin. Noted. Over the next few weeks it will be our goal to address some of these topics, get your stories, and do some research of our own. 

In light of spring break (HOLLLAA), our first objective is to discuss “Jungle Juice = Death” and “Tequila is the only alcohol that isn’t a depressant.” Is it? You tell us, NYU. How have these two evil yet wonderful drinks fucked you up? We also want to give you the facts behind the statement about tequila so in the words of Matt Damon from “The Martian”: we’re “gonna have to science the shit out of this.”

Fill out our survey with your stories and we will publish them in the next article. In case you’re shy, here is a tequila related photo that our friend, Paulina, donated for the cause. 

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Image: “Word4u” by Robert C. via Flickr CC.