Note: This article was written and edited by both Megan Stahl and Catherine Foley (team work makes the dream work, right?)
It’s that time of year again: March Madness is upon us. Since our basketball teams are mostly irrelevant (jk I’ve seen the women’s team practice and they’re fucking animals), it’s time to get behind your respective school and show some spirit. If there was ever a time to get hype, it is now. Will Tisch shock us all and prevail in the end? Does Stern really have all the best athletes?? Get ready.
Here are our seeds:
- SPS / GLS (play in game)
Play In Game:
SPS vs. GLS
The GLS team strolled in fresh from their entire year abroad (they seriously came directly from JFK), looking jet-lagged and unprepared. One player got kicked off the court for lecturing an SPS player about “how mind-blowing it was to be exposed to other cultures” while studying abroad. Another laid down in the middle of the first half and started napping. SPS slaughtered them 85-7.
1. Steinhardt vs. Tisch
The Tisch team showed up not wearing the typical basketball attire, but sporting costumes inspired by the musical Hamilton. Steinhardt was so distracted they started instagramming and snapchatting everything while Tisch struggled to make baskets, even without a defensive effort from Steinhardt. In the end, Tisch won 15-0.
2. SPS vs. LS
SPS put their best foot forward and enlisted all of their Sports Management majors to play for them. LS students were clearly stressed about all of their core requirements and couldn’t pull out the W. Final score was 38-17 SPS.
3. Stern vs. Poly
Despite the fact that Poly had tons of engineering majors on their team, they came in late because the train they took from Brooklyn was ratchet. Stern, obviously annoyed at their opponents’ tardiness, went hard on the court and defeated them 120-55, all without getting a single crease in their matching Brooks Brothers suits.
4. CAS vs. Gallatin
Nobody at this game knew exactly what the fuck the Gallatin kids were doing (on and off the court), which allowed CAS to trash-talk their way to a victory. Final score was 87-64.
Next week in the semifinals, Tisch will face off with the undefeated Stern, while CAS takes on SPS. This is where it gets interesting, NYU. Let’s take bets, who do YOU think will win?